Your Online Source for Advice on Dating, Sex, and Relationships

2006-07-23T08:36:00.000-07:00

The BEST Way To Get Her Phone Number
By Stephen Nash, author of How To Get A Girlfriend

A guy recently emailed me a GREAT question that stumps everyone I meet. It has to do with a simple challenge, but one that most of you would love to handle better. Let’s hear what he has to say:

“Stephen,

First of all, thanks for all of your solid advice over the years. I am a huge fan of yours, and Mike too. Your dating and fashion advice are number one, as far as I am concerned. Recently, I have improved a lot of my dating woes and am meeting lots of women. However, when it comes time to go for the phone number, I get all tongue-tied and confused. Help me out man! What is the best way to ask for her phone number?

Thanks a lot!

Owen

Los Angeles, CA”

Good question Owen, and thanks for writing us. So, let me guess, you spotted her in the mall, you approached her, you have had a great conversation, but you feel clueless when it is time to take it to the next level and get her phone number? Yep, that problem is common…

Lots of guys get hung up when it comes time to “close the deal”. They don’t know what to say, so often they won’t say anything and just split!

How many times have I heard women exclaim, “Why didn’t he ask for my number? I would have given it to him in a heartbeat!!”

The best way to get her number is, of course, to ask her. If she is into you, it won’t matter how you ask her – she won’t care! However, if you want a solid script to use, which helps you feel prepared – here is the best one yet:

“I have to run, and so do you, but I would love to continue this some other time – what is your number?”

I know, I know…it couldn’t be that easy…

But guess what – IT IS. That’s really it guys!

You graciously tell her that you have to leave, and you let her know that you also realize that she has to go too. Also, by exiting, you indicate to her that you are a busy guy and don’t have all day to chat. Then, you set it up as a continuation of what has already been started. People are less likely to feel uncomfortable continuing something (unless she doesn’t feel comfortable around you) than they are starting something completely anew.

If you don’t get her number with this script, something is wrong with your presentation or conversational skills. Or, maybe she’s just having a bad day…
A guy recently emailed me a GREAT question that stumps everyone I meet. It has to do with a simple challenge, but one that most of you would love to handle better. Let’s hear what he has to say:

“Stephen,

First of all, thanks for all of your solid advice over the years. I am a huge fan of yours, and Mike too. Your dating and fashion advice are number one, as far as I am concerned. Recently, I have improved a lot of my dating woes and am meeting lots of women. However, when it comes time to go for the phone number, I get all tongue-tied and confused. Help me out man! What is the best way to ask for her phone number?

Thanks a lot!

Owen

Los Angeles, CA”

Good question Owen, and thanks for writing us. So, let me guess, you spotted her in the mall, you approached her, you have had a great conversation, but you feel clueless when it is time to take it to the next level and get her phone number? Yep, that problem is common…

Lots of guys get hung up when it comes time to “close the deal”. They don’t know what to say, so often they won’t say anything and just split!

How many times have I heard women exclaim, “Why didn’t he ask for my number? I would have given it to him in a heartbeat!!”

The best way to get her number is, of course, to ask her. If she is into you, it won’t matter how you ask her – she won’t care! However, if you want a solid script to use, which helps you feel prepared – here is the best one yet:

“I have to run, and so do you, but I would love to continue this some other time – what is your number?”

I know, I know…it couldn’t be that easy…

But guess what – IT IS. That’s really it guys!

You graciously tell her that you have to leave, and you let her know that you also realize that she has to go too. Also, by exiting, you indicate to her that you are a busy guy and don’t have all day to chat. Then, you set it up as a continuation of what has already been started. People are less likely to feel uncomfortable continuing something (unless she doesn’t feel comfortable around you) than they are starting something completely anew.

If you don’t get her number with this script, something is wrong with your presentation or conversational skills. Or, maybe she’s just having a bad day…

In any event – keep it simple, and just be sure to ask. And remember, if she likes you, it won’t matter how you say it. So, be sure to be playful, humorous, build a little intrigue, reveal some interesting facts about yourself…cover the basics.

Wishing you the best,

Stephen Nash

Stephen is the author of How to Get a Girlfriend, detailing what it takes to get and keep a girlfriend. He also is a partner in the company CUTTING EDGE IMAGE CONSULTING.
In any event – keep it simple, and just be sure to ask. And remember, if she likes you, it won’t matter how you say it. So, be sure to be playful, humorous, build a little intrigue, reveal some interesting facts about yourself…cover the basics.

Wishing you the best,

Stephen Nash

Stephen is the author of How to Get a Girlfriend, detailing what it takes to get and keep a girlfriend. He also is a partner in the company CUTTING EDGE IMAGE CONSULTING.

2006-07-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

Secrets To Powerful Body Language
By: Stephen Nash, author of How To Get A Girlfriend

What is Powerful Body Language? What does your body language say about you? When you walk into a room, what do you think people “read” from your body language?

Try this out – the next time you are with people (perhaps you are right now?...), notice their body language, and see what impression they create on you. Do they appear strong, confident, driven or motivated? Or, do they seem meek, timid, confused, and/or LOST? Can you see a parallel with these ideas and the ideas of being attractive vs. unattractive?? If not, let me spell it out for you…

Guys who have strong, confident body language are ATTRACTIVE Guys who don’t, are UNATTRACTIVE.

Go to a mirror and see for yourself – what kind of body language do you have? Are your shoulders slouched, or are you upright? Do you walk with your head held high, or do you tend to look down?

I remember working with a client of ours a number of months ago. We were in a lounge area, and were enjoying some drinks before going out. I pointed out to him that his body language was pretty closed off – arms and legs crossed – signaling to others that he was not approachable, and was not interested in meeting anyone new.

He agreed to try a little experiment, and change his body language. I told him to uncross his legs, and, more importantly, to uncross his arms. He did, and commented that he felt “weird”.

A few minutes later, a stunning blonde approached us to ask “directions” to a club two blocks away…within minutes she, and her gorgeous Spanish friend, were sitting with us having a blast. Later on that evening, I asked Ms. Stunning Blonde why she asked us for directions. Her answer?

“You guys seemed so open. I also thought your friend was cute, so, you know, what the hell!”

What the hell…

The point of this article is not to convince you that having perfect body language forever ends your challenges with the opposite sex. What it IS intended to convey is the importance of body language and how other people, unconsciously, read it and form impressions about YOU.

If you want more confirmation of this, check out the body language of most of the hottest stars in Hollywood, like Tom Cruise, or Russell Crowe. See how they stand and carry themselves – with power, upright, always looking people directly in the eye.

Now imagine them with a slouch, head down, shifty-eyed….creepy isn’t it??

If you carry yourself with power, other people will assume that you OWN that power internally. If you look them in the eye when you speak, they will assume that you have something of VALUE to say!

Mastering your own body language is critical to your success with women. If you communicate to them that you are insecure, unconfident, and have low self-esteem you will see a LOT of ass….walking away from you.

Clear?

Our program “Natural Attraction” is designed to help you gain mastery of your inner self so that you naturally carry yourself with power and esteem.

We also cover the basics of body language and vocal tonality so that you have the MAXIMUM advantage in any/all social settings.

For now, just notice your body language in different situations – standing, seated, at the bar, on the bus etc. Try to find the most powerful posture you can assume. Isn’t it interesting how this subtle change can cause you to instantly feel stronger and more confident?

If you want to attract and date beautiful women, you need the maximum advantage don’t you? Wouldn’t you like your body language to work FOR you rather than AGAINST?

Check out what else our “Natural Attraction” product offers you by clicking this link. As you do so, check your posture RIGHT NOW – are you filled with confidence and direction?

Do this a few times per day. This will help you understand what you unconsciously broadcast to other people. Also, does your body language change when around attractive women?

It is first critical that you are aware of what your body language says about you, then it is up to you to take the necessary actions to fix it.

Your friend,

Stephen Nash

Stephen is the author of How to Get a Girlfriend, detailing what it takes to get and keep a girlfriend. He also is a partner in the company CUTTING EDGE IMAGE CONSULTING.

2006-07-05T09:28:00.000-07:00

How To Get HIM or HER Interested
By: Cucan Pemo, author of Bring Back a Lost Love

Do you wish his eyes be glued on you?

Let me tell you a story. It's a true story.

Just recently, I got interested in a guy. I'm not supposed to share this with anyone, including you, lest my partner gets to know about it. :)

However, being an avid student of human nature and inter-personal relationships, I could not help wondering, what is it (about him, or me?) that has made me attracted to him?

But, don't be mistaken. Until today, we are just very good friends. I still have my partner with me, so I wouldn't want to do anything that will break my relationship with him. We have a common interest though. This is why we click together and always enjoy each other's company, with no expectation from each other.

He had gone through several failed relationships, and we had a talk about this one day over coffee at a cafe. He was hurt that the relationships he had with his ex-girlfriends didn't work out the way he wanted them to. However, that didn't destroy him; instead, in his own words, such experiences make him even stronger.

I realized that I admired his courage and strength to be able to pick himself up even after a heart-breaking experience. In fact, I was inspired by him.

"We had conflicts and disagreements. It didn't work out, everyone of them (his girlfriends) initiated the break-up. I didn't put in the effort to pursue and thus eventually we broke up. I was devastated then. But I'm not going to allow myself to be enveloped in self-pity and sorrow. I put all my attention, energy and focus on my passion, that is, bodybuilding. I realized that, whatever effort, time, money, and energy I had put into bodybuilding, it has all paid off handsomely. I could see the results I want to see. With relationship, it is so different. You cannot control the outcome; you cannot control the other person."

He is so right. You cannot control another person or how he will think and behave. You only have control of your-self, this indirectly implies the power you have in your hands. You CHOOSE whether your circumstance controls you or destroy you; else choose a more positive way of reacting and responding to your circumstances.

I didn't tell him this secret which I have been holding in my heart, that I enjoyed his accompany and going out with him, even training together with him at the gym whenever I can find the time to do it.

I asked myself what had made him seem attractive. The answers I got shocked me further.

(1) He inspired me with his insights about life and relationships. In short, he had what I had been seeking and searching - the answers to some of the tough questions about life and relationship.

(2) I found myself wanting to go out with him often. He was confident about his passion and what he was doing. He was independent, had a character, and was not affected by what others think about whether whatever he is doing is right or wrong. In short, he was of a higher vibrational energy than I.

I realize, and I have been sharing this secret with many of my readers - By becoming interested in MYSELF, my partner becomes more interested in me! If you think it is a paradox. IT is! Many relationship challenges and difficulties often start when one of the couples shift his or her center onto another person, and many people do this unknowingly! Understand that your center is HERE, right now, within you; it is your safe haven and most truthworthy antenna. You do NOT have to search for it in another person!

This is one secret which has worked wonders for those who are willing to take the time to chew on it.

Inspire your partner today!

However, don't stop here. Dale Carnegie has taught that "If you want people to become interested in you, you have to become genuinely interested in others!"

Become genuinely interested in YOUR-SELF! Become genuinely interested in others!

Combine this two, and you might find yourself being swamped with so much attention, you'll have to crack your head to find your own private time.

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2006-06-28T12:57:00.000-07:00

"3 Easy Ways to Attract Love Like A Magnet"
by Cucan Pemo, author of Bring Back the Love Of Your Life, a Potent 4 Step Strategy

If you are still single and yearning for that someone special to come into your life, to share your life, and to share all the laughter and joy of being together, there is something you could do to attract your true love like a
magnet!

(1)You must believe you are able to attract true love.

This is important! In order to attract your true love, not just any type of lovers, to come into your life, you have to believe you are able to attract the right person into your life. True love comes to you not because of chance. Instead, it comes to you because of who you are. It comes 'through' you, it does not come to you. You attract the people in your life because of who you are. If you are someone who is always cheery, generous, kind, and hardworking, then it is very likely you will attract people who have one or more of your positive attributes. Whoever you attract into your lives is a reflection of who you are at that moment. Thus if you are someone who is always doubtful of your own ability and capability to meet the right person, then it is very likely you will attract the wrong person into your life!

(2)Love others who come into your life at this moment.

Being loving to others is perfect love, not just wanting love. Open up your heart and give your love to others as well while you are waiting for your someone special to enter your life. When you open up and give more love, more love will return and be given you too. This is the law of give and receive. When you go outside and socialize, do not go with the intention of only wanting to find love, or to find your Mr/Mrs Right. Instead, take an interest in all those that you encounter, be aware of their welfare and needs as well. If you start to take an interest in other people's welfare and needs instead of only your own, more people will be attracted to you. So, detach yourself from the feeling that you want to find that someone special. The right person will definitely come to you one day and be attracted to you because of who you are. He or she might must be around in a corner thinking : "Hey, I want to get to know this person who has so much magnetism and optimism. How can I approach him/her?"

(3)Expect less from other people and give more instead.

As you give more and more love to others, be careful not to become too much focused on your own wants and needs. In wanting or expecting to experience the love we want, we suffer. We crave, and we cling to what we do not have and we even refuse to let go what we have clung to. Your giving should not come with any conditions. Instead, the love you give should want less and less. As your love wants less and less, ironically you will find more love coming your way, even without you asking for it.

Give true love, so that it opens up and embrace the world. Very soon, you will find that someone special entering your life. It is not by chance that this person has entered your life, but you have cultivated the 'seeds' to bring him/her to you, not just any type of person, but the right and true one for you. And after he/she has entered your life, continue to cultivate even more 'seeds' of love for everyone around you, and you will find that you can easily create the 'magical' relationship that you desire effortlessly.

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2006-06-16T15:50:00.000-07:00

Why Are Relationships So Difficult??
by Bob Grant, author of The Women Men Adore

A large part of my practice is made up of people interested in relationship advice. Not really by design (I started out working with teenagers), it just sort of worked out that way. Most often when someone comes in they want to know what to do. They request a 5 step plan to fix their problem, and they will be on their way. I must confess, for years I tried that “5 step” type of approach. Reading book after book and experimenting on my clients. While I have personally seen marriages seemingly miraculously healed, it just wasn’t happening every time. The magical formula never came, at least not in the form I had expected.

What I did discover was that relationships are more than meets the eye. As I have mentioned in previous article, if you have suffered any type of injury or trauma as a child, your brain and heart have an overriding goal for you. They will protect you at any cost. Even if it that method of protection causes you pain and loneliness. It is often primitive and deeply rooted. Here is an example. Let’s pretend that I have a client named Alan (I made him up). Alan meets a woman named Cindy. Alan really likes Cindy and proceeds to call her every 5 minutes. When he comes into my office I tell him, “Lets not call Cindy every 5 minutes. Women don’t like that.” The next week he comes back in and says, “Bob, I have improved twice as much. I only called her every 10 minutes.” While I appreciate Alan’s 100% improvement, what Alan needs is to do is improve exponentially and not call Cindy any more than once a week.

You can guess Alan’s reaction; he will grasp his heart as though I stabbed him. This surely can’t be the Lord’s will to abandon something that seems so right? It seems so right to call her, yet those feelings betray him. Every time Alan gets nervous he picks up the phone and calls Cindy. It keeps his anxiety away. Some use cigarettes or alcohol for the same anxiety relief. What I want is for Alan to be anxious. He must allow himself to feel out of control so we can find out what the anxiety is trying to tell him. His feelings will give him insight, if (and this is a big if) he will allow himself to listen to those anxious feelings rather than acting them out. At times the insights occur quickly, other times it takes longer.

What would cause Alan to be so anxious? There may be a variety of reasons. Most likely, he is afraid of being hurt or rejected. While he longs for a relationship, he has also set himself up for failure because he feels that a relationship should feel good...always...forever. His long history of avoiding painful feelings has taught him to be even more afraid of them. Painful feelings are bad things, to run away from. The problem with Alan’s thinking is that relationships, by their very nature, are a bit scary. Once you allow yourself to experience a feeling you like (such as love), all the uncomfortable feelings now also have a doorway out of your heart. It no longer remains suppressed, and it all comes out. Feelings and fears alike that may have been dormant for years now seem to come out at the most inconvenient times.

The reason I am so relationship oriented is that many times individuals misinterpret their fear and anxiety as something wrong with them or with their partner, rather than realizing it is something to work through. It is an opportunity to be free of the very fears they are experiencing. (This in no way involves instances of abuse, or an unhealthily relationship. If it is unhealthy your friends and/or family will gladly point that out to you). If we could learn to stay with our fears rather than acting them out, our heart will learn that it does not need to protect us as it did when we were a child. In time those childhood fears will begin to subside. What now feels unnatural, can in time become effortless.

If you or someone you know feels they are experiencing this type of issue, let them know that there is help. What is happening to them is not unique. There are answers to their questions and fears. Once they discover this, relationships become an opportunity for healing and growth, rather than work.

Visit Bob's Site Here

2006-06-14T13:42:00.000-07:00

Thought for The Day: Knowing What You Don't Want
by Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

I was on a forum related to dating and one user had posted the question, "What don't you want in dating?" I found this to be interesting as some find it tough to answer what exactly they want in someone else. If you are able to pinpoint what you do not want in a potential mate, doesn't that help define what you DO want in someone else? It may of course not be exact, but it definitely is a starting guide to narrow your focus so you can concentrate on what you do want.

To Your Success,

Roger Mayer
http://www.AllDatingTips.com

P.S
Remember to check out the great ebooks to your right. All the authors speak from experience and offer a wealth of information to improve not only your love life but your life in general. They all offer 60 day guarantees, so you can try without risk!!

2006-06-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

What Men Want??
By: Bob Grant, author of The Women Men Adore

Actually, it’s pretty simple but most women have the hardest time with understanding men. Deep inside the heart of every man is a secret wish to be trusted. How many times have men said to their wives, “If you would just trust me.” Many men wonder why it seems so difficult for their wives to do something so seemingly simple. The answer stems from the physiological differences between the sexes.

It begins at birth when little boys are given a distinct physical advantage over little girls by having higher levels of testosterone. With testosterone comes the physical strength to both defend themselves from danger and/or run away from a threat. Most little girls don’t have that ability. They don’t have the strength to defend themselves in a physically fight when they feel threatened. If a boy trusts someone who in turn hurts them, they can always defend themselves physically (or try to). Little girls don’t have that physical option of power. Since a person can only trust from a position of strength, those same little girls will grow up into women who naturally have a more difficult time “trusting” when they feel vulnerable.

So men, when you ask the woman of your choice to simply “trust you,” it’s not that she can’t, she’s just more vulnerable than you. If you want her to trust you, she needs something that will help develop that trust.

Perhaps even a tool or gesture that she can “count on ” until that trust with you is established. Thankfully this tool already exist and is known every woman. What cultivates trust in a woman is a man who consistently keeps his word. Making a promise is meaningless if there is no follow through.

A woman needs to SEE her man fulfill his promises because seeing is always more powerful than hearing. Allow me to illustrate. Imagine someone told you that I was the meanest person they had ever met. For months all you heard was how terrible I treated my family and friends. Then one day you met me and during the course of our meeting you begin to notice that I didn’t seem to be as horrible as you were led to believe. I actually appeared to be rather pleasant. Would you change your entire opinion about me from one visit? Probably not! However, if you saw me respond consistently with kindness and humility over a period of weeks, your opinion of me would begin to change. A paradox has just been established. The kindness you have seen in me for the last few weeks does not match what you have heard about me. All the rumors of how mean I am begin to fade into darkness because of my consistent actions. Over time what you see will replace most if not all of your concerns about my character.

Men, when the woman you love sees your words lining up with your actions, trust will naturally follow. When you don’t keep your word it causes your wife/girlfriend to become fearful. From her perspective, she has entrusted you with her Heart and WANTS to trust you. She simply needs your help in giving you what you want.

Bob Grant has been a Licensed Professional Counselor, therapist, and relationship coach for 16 years. The majority of my clients are women, who have sought my help in creating successful, satisfying, and fulfilling love relationships by simply understanding men. He is the author of the popular ebook, The Men Women Adore.

2006-06-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

Secrets to Successful Internet Dating
By: Stephen Nash, author of How To Get a Girlfriend

Many guys nowadays are going online to meet women. And why not? There are some great services out there, and we have all heard too many success stories to downplay the potential of meeting great women online.

For starters, the best online services are nerve.com, match.com and lavalife.com. They are the best because they are the most popular. Being the most popular, they give you the best choice.

If you are skeptical about online dating, join the club. But, before you write it off completely, go to one of the above sites and do a free search. That should convince you that there are many attractive women who are looking for men online. So, why not try it out?

It is the social norm for men to approach women. So, if you are out at a bar or club and you see an attractive woman, you will have to approach her to meet her. Women typically don’t approach men in social settings. They will signal their interest to you in many ways, but the actual “move” will have to be made by you.

The beauty of internet dating is that it gives women a forum to indicate what they want without it being embarrassing or socially “unacceptable”. This helps to simplify things for men too – before you even send your initial email, you know some things about her and what she is looking for.

Let’s cover some of the basic must’s to successful internet dating:

1) The most important thing to have on your profile is good pictures. This should be obvious. Initial attraction is so critical when beginning a relationship. If it is not there, the two people will never come together.

To give yourself a fighting chance, get some good pictures of yourself. I am not talking about getting a pro photographer in tow, but rather have a friend with a digital camera take 20-30 pictures of you. Pick out three to four, and use them to launch your profile.

It’s a good idea to put up a variety of pictures, such as: one in a suit, one dressed casually, one of you doing a hobby or conveying an interest of yours. Also, make sure you are smiling. Don’t be one of those guys that posts pics with his shirt off, or with Zoolander male model face. Those are basically female-repellant. And please guys, don’t make them pornographic – G-rated pictures only.

2) Next, you will have to send your initial email. This should be fairly short, but needs to be both funny and insightful. In other words, be sure to read her profile – let me repeat that – be sure to read her profile! So many guys send out standard emails to women online, and it is obvious to them that you have taken no time to read about her. If you read the profile, can make a light joke out of something she reveals, compliment her and share something in common, you have a strong chance of hearing back from her.

3) A great place to be humorous is in the subject line. She is more likely to open your email if it catches her attention. A great way to do this is with a humorous remark about something in her profile. Be sure to keep the humor lite, and never, NEVER, make fun of her picture.

4) As for the connection, be sure to quickly indicate that you have things in common with her. This helps to alleviate her anxiety about meeting you. If you have nothing in common, she will feel like there will be nothing to talk about and the date will be awkward and uncomfortable. For the purposes of the first contact, begin a conversation with her by indicating that you share commonalities.

To summarize, in the first email you want to cover these three things: humor, a compliment and make a connection.

A few final notes:

Never use the “wink” function. “Wink”ing is for women to signal their interest to you. If she “wink”s, you send an email.

Feel free to ask for her phone number after a couple of rounds of messages. A simple, “why don’t we continue this by phone? I am happy to call you. If you’re comfortable with that, reply with your number, and we’ll take it from there.”

When on the phone, be sure to keep it very light, again using humor as much as possible. Talk for a few minutes, then arrange to meet her.

The first date needs to be something where no $ is spent. Why? Sometimes, one or both of you are not happy with the look of the other. People often put up very flattering pictures, which don’t resemble their actual look in real life. So, meet at a gallery, or a park, or a free event. You don’t want to walk away from a first internet date having spent $50 on a meal do you? Meeting for coffee, in this case, is also a good idea.

If you are out with her, and you do like her, a great compliment is: “You know, your pictures are great, but you are much more attractive in real life.” This way, you help her relax. She is definitely going to feel awkward with her appearance and will hope you find her attractive. Put her mind at ease, and about 20 minutes into the date tell her she looks great.

Lastly, the first date is a total wash. It is really to see if both of you feel any attraction. Make no fast decisions about personality and style after a first internet date. Usually, both you and she are very guarded. Wait until the second date at least until you begin to feel out her personality, her values, her style etc.

Last, but not least – and this may be the best kept secret to internet dating. Be sure you check out the profiles of the women without pictures. Why, you ask? Often, these women are VERY attractive and don’t have a pic up because they want to avoid getting 50+ emails per day from guys online. I am dead serious about this one guys. They post a profile in hopes that someone will actually READ it (hint) and treat them like a person, rather than a hot body. Be sure though that you get a picture from her before you meet her. That is fair, and she will understand. It is also true that very unattractive women do not include pictures.

So, good luck with the fascinating world of internet dating. I hope this has been helpful. As always, I wish you the best.

Your friend,

Stephen Nash
CEIC

Visit Stephen's site Here

2006-06-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

How To Create Supreme States Of Mind That Empower You To Make Magnificent Changes...
by Colin G Smith

One of the most important and useful aspects of using NLP to master yourself is in the art of creating resource states. Resource states are states of mind that can be used to positively re-program your past, present and future.

One of the classic uses in NLP is for programming a state of confidence into your future. Most adults have experienced a profound sense of confidence at some stage in their life. Maybe it only lasted a few seconds and was many years ago. This is fine. The beauty of NLP allows us to capture that wonderful resource and create more of that state, and place it exactly where we desire!

The amount of different useful states of mind is vast and the fact is we hardly ever tap into these 'hidden resources.' Resource states include; Confidence, Creativity, Relaxation, Playfulness, Concentration, Perseverance, Ecstasy.... Any others?

Here's a couple of examples to clarify what I'm getting at:

Have you ever read a book that made you feel really inspired? Where could you use that? How about programming that state into your workplace? Do you compose music? Paint? Giving a sales pitch?

Can you remember or imagine a time being in nature, surrounded by mellow shades of green with soft sounds of birds in the distance and a close by stream. Where could you use that state of tranquility?

And now to the actual technique. Treat yourself to 10 - 15 minutes to do this the first time. As you practice the technique more you'll be able to achieve good results in less time.

NLP Technique:

Program A Resource State Into A Future Situation

1. Think of a resource state you want more of in a future situation. (Joy, Ecstasy, Fun, Creativity, Confidence, Compassion etc.)

2. Relax down into a trance. (Use whatever way you want to go into a relaxed state. e.g. Deep breathing, self-hypnosis, meditation techniques.) The more relaxed you become the more powerful the rest of the exercise will be, so enjoy becoming more relaxed.

3. Remember a time you felt the chosen resource state strongly. Or imagine a situation in the future that would allow you to feel that resource state. NOTE: There are several tips in the NLP ToolBox eBook to help you remember better.

4. Fully associate into the experience and see what you saw at the time, hear what you heard and feel those feelings. Make the colours brighter, turn up the sounds and amplify the feelings. Anchor this feeling by squeezing your finger and thumb together.

5. Notice where those feelings are in your body. What colour would you give these feelings? Imagine spreading that colour/feeling up and down your body, amplifying the feelings. When the feelings are amplified, again squeeze your finger and thumb together to capture that feeling.

6. Break state. (Look around the room or remember your phone number.)

7. Test Anchor: Squeeze your finger and thumb together. If you've done the above steps correctly you should feel those feelings coming back. Congratulate yourself (This is very useful as it re-enforces the idea in your mind that you can do these exercises and they will become even easier to do!)

8. Here's a great tip they don't often tell you in NLP books. Treat yourself and make a 'Super Resource State'? Go back to step one and stack another state on top of the first one. Squeeze the same finger and thumb together! Cool or what? (Example: Confidence AND Creativity.)

9. Now think of a specific situation where this supreme resource state would be useful.

10. Imagine what you will see/hear just before you want this state to kick in. Example: The boss's door, the eye's of a specific member of the opposite sex, a blank painting canvas, a tennis ball etc.

11. Now fire the resource anchor by squeezing your finger and thumb together whilst imagining being in the chosen situation, unfolding as you desire it too.

Well done, you can now look forward to that future situation even more. Where else and how else can you use the above technique? (Hint: The possibilities are virtually unlimited!)

Each time you practice the technique with another resource state/situation you will condition your mind to make the procedure even easier next time...

Copyright 2006. Colin G Smith is a licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro- Linguistic Programming (NLP) and author of 'The NLP ToolBox', a personal development book that enables the reader to master any area of their life with amazing speed. Complete information on Colin G Smith's books are available at his website, including a FREE personal development eBook. http://www.NLPToolBox.com

2006-06-01T08:35:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: 3 Principles for Getting Who You Want
Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

If you've ever been to the Love Tactics site, you'll know they preach about three fundamentals for getting the one you want. They are: Friendship, Respect, and Passion. At first, I was little dismissive with the thought of being friends first. Doesn't everyone say (for males at least) you shouldn't get into the friends zone. The friends zone is doom, you'll never get out!! I think this is somewhat true if you don't have the second fundamental of respect. You can't be with someone you don't respect. Think about it, she/he may be incredibly good looking, but could have low morals, a different lifestyle, no ambition...etc. Passion is the last step which pushes the relationship to its romantic and intimate level. All three are essential for a successful relationship.

The site also preaches about putting in the time to get who you want. This is something I personally am doing currently. It's been a very gradual process, but slowly but surely I'm developing a closer relationship with the one I want. Sure, I could just throw in the towel and date someone easier just for the sake of having someone (I have been tempted more than once out of frustration). However, I'm really interested in something with a lot of substance and am willing to put in the time to nurture it.

It's about what you want and doing what is necessary to get it.

To Your Success in Life,

Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

2006-05-30T12:55:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Tiredness
by Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

I have spoken about how tiredness and negative emotions have a high correlation. I'm not a scientist by any means, but I'm going on my own personal experience and I bet you can relate to what I have to say.

Negativity runs wild when you're tired. Minor things can be blown out of proportion, negative self-talk accelerates, your overall sense of self feels deflated.

I'm having a day when tiredness is aboud and have found myself thinking more negatively than usual. HOWEVER, I recognize this and remind myself that I'm thinking these thoughts because of tiredness. It sets my mind at ease when I realize this is temporary.

Stay Aware.

Roger Mayer for
AllDatingTips.com

P.S
Remember to check out the great ebooks to your right!

2006-05-26T09:19:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Bad Days
by Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

Bad Days are inevitable, so accept it. They come and then they're gone. You know there will be better days, but when you're having a bad day, you are focused on the bad day. It's easy to get caught up in the negative emotions, but you must realize it's only temporary. When you realize this, you become more self aware and bad days themselves don't seem so bad.

To Your Succes in Life,

Roger Mayer for
AllDatingTips.com

2006-05-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

Online Dating: Efficiency for the Busy Professional

Watch the video on Online Dating!

P.S
Remember to check out the Ebooks to your right. There's loads of useful information from dating and relationship experts.

2006-05-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

CB MALL

We found this site to be loaded with ebooks on any given topic that may strike your interest. These Ebooks are all backed by a 100% money back guarantee, so it's definitely worth checking out. You can even open you own store too!

2006-05-19T14:16:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: The Joy of Being Social
by: Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

We (humans) are social creatures by nature and derive great pleasure from being with other humans. Even anti-social people crave to be social but don't want to admit it. When you're feeling good, talk to everyone you meet. Say hi, smile and give a boost to someone else's day. If you're feeling like crap, try even harder to say hi. I've found that when I start a conversation or get into conversation with someone when I'm having a bad day, it does give me a boost. Try it out.

To Your Success in Life,

Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

2006-05-18T16:16:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Don't Get Caught up in Negativity.
By: Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

Simple yet effective advice from Penelope Cruz' Character in the movie, Vanilla Sky. "Everyday is a chance to turn it all around." No matter how crappy a day or the rejection and/or failure you face, you can always turn it around. You can pull yourself out of a rut. It may take some work and devotion on your part, but totally doable. It's sometimes hard to see the light, when there is so much dark. There is always light, you just have to find it. You will find it.

To Your Success in Life,

Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

2006-05-17T18:27:00.000-07:00

THE Dating Secret You Must Understand
By: Stephen Nash, author of How to Get A Girlfriend

Want to know why you are unsuccessful with women? It might masquerade as shyness, nerves, neediness, lack of style, bad breath, or body odor. Want to know the real answer?

It’s simple and it’s true…

Insecurity

Now, before you go and jump to conclusions, let’s accurately define security. Then, let’s consider how this relates to being attractive. Let’s also try to keep this simple, because this is a topic we cover at length in our products and consultations which takes time to get handled. Let me give you our definition of security:

“A willingness to accept myself as I am, strengths and weaknesses and then the determination to work towards a healthy ideal for myself.”

A man who is secure realizes his weaknesses, and then addresses them. Some weaknesses (better known as challenges) are tougher to handle than others. A patient, deliberate effort may have to follow.

If a guy has bad breath, for example, is it because he just ate a dish filled with garlic or does he suffer from gingivitis? If it’s the garlic causing the problem, his problem is easily remedied by a bit of time and some mouthwash. If he has gingivitis or halitosis, the challenge becomes larger and will take more time to surmount. (Although, he should carry some Cool Mint Listerine PocketPaks with him at all times)

A guy who is secure with himself likely never encounters a challenge like bad breath, or if he does, he handles it right away.

An insecure guy will be too lazy to take the action, or will unconsciously reject the reality that he has bad breath. His fragile self-esteem will not accept the information, thus he continues to create bad impressions on other people due to his own unwillingness.

This mini-example can translate to virtually any challenge which we encounter through our lives. Most guys live lives that are so out of balance, that a woman might initially like you, but when she eventually sees the chaos that follows you around (whether it be bad breath, flailing friendships, insecurity, lack of focus, endless hours surfing the web, messy apartment, the list goes on…) she will never really see you as a viable companion because she knows, intuitively, and biologically, that you are not a man in the truest sense. You are not someone who can provide security…thusly you are not attractive to her.

Here is where we separate the men from the boys. The boys right now are thinking, “This is a load of BS. A bunch of feel good jargon. This will never work for me.” They are right, it never will until they decide to face their lives and live like a man.

A man sees this and realizes that it is time, now, to step up to the plate and take responsibility. He sees that he can get what is rightfully his. That time is now.

Women are seeking a man who is secure with himself, and is able to provide it to her consistently.

These men reflect it with everything they do – they always seem to be in control, they are sensitive to the needs of the moment, they rise to the occasion, they have a focused purpose in their life, and are comfortable in their own skin.

Their life naturally validates them internally, and thusly, they feel complete.

They are attractive, naturally.

So, when you give that guy the ten magically perfect things to say to a woman, he only needs five, and even then he has overdone it…

Let me be clear – I am not saying that you have to be rich or to have fully realized all of your goals in order to be successful with women.

What I am saying is that it is critical to be on the path pursuing your goals. Men who live with passion and direction are magnets for women because they are attractive.

Quality women are desperate for men whose lives are focused, balanced, and filled with purpose.

If you want a plan of action, along with proven interactive exercises designed to show you exactly what it is that you really want…check out our “Natural Attraction” 7 day CD program.

In conclusion!:

The Single Most Perfect Piece Of Advice That I Can Give You Is: You Must Get Your Life In Order And Moving Forward To Have Anything Close To A Meaningful Relationship With A Quality Woman.

Thanks for your time guys, and best of luck!

Your friend,

Stephen Nash

Cutting Edge Image Consulting

Visit Stephen's Site Here

2006-05-15T09:50:00.000-07:00

How To Compliment A Woman
by Steven Nash, author of "How to Get a Girlfriend"

So many guys are truly clueless when it comes to complimenting a woman. How many of you have said any version of the following:

“Wow, you’re totally gorgeous. Let me buy you a drink”

“God broke the mold the day he made you!”

“You are fine! I gotta take you to dinner sometime girl! Gimme your phone number!”

It’s a sad moment when any man lets rip with any of the above. Can you see how insulting these are? Cool guys never waste their time with “compliments” like these.

Not only is it blatantly obvious that the only thing you are thinking about is sex, but it is also painfully clear that you lack imagination and any ability to actually pay attention to anything other than her looks. That’s three strikes against you, and you have only said one thing!

Women don’t like to be treated as sex objects by men –clear? When you “compliment” her with any of the above, you give yourself exactly zero chance of meeting the actual person, and having a real conversation.

Let’s take a minute now and talk about how to compliment a woman, in a way that doesn’t insult her.

First of all, people (not only women), prefer to be complimented about things that they have actually done. So, in the case of complimenting a woman’s appearance, why not consider her selection of clothing and style?

“Let me say, you look terrific, your sense of style is spot-on. Are you a designer of some sort?”

“Are you an athlete? You walk with such grace and composure – not easy in heels on the concrete sidewalk”

Your chances of flattering her are very high with statements like these. You could even initiate a conversation with a woman using these.

Again, you are talking about the choices she made around her clothing selections for the day or the grace with which she carries herself (something she has undoubtedly worked hard for). You are complimenting the person, rather than her God-given looks.

If you are in conversation with her, and feel the desire to compliment her, again, try to stay away from her looks:

“Wow, I am impressed. You are a great conversationalist. This is really interesting. Let me ask you, how were the dinner table discussions when you were younger – pretty involved I’d bet.”

“You’re clearly well read – a characteristic I really respect. Where did you get that quality? My mom and dad were avid readers when I was growing up, so I naturally became one too in my adult years.”

If you ever do feel compelled to remark on a woman’s beauty, be sure not to do it when you first meet. This just places you in the age-old category of a guy who is only interested in sex, and can’t think of anything original to say. SERIOUSLY. It is far more powerful to do so later in the conversation, as she will feel more comfortable around you and thusly more able to be flattered.

“You know, I haven’t said so until now because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable – but you are a very beautiful woman. It must be both a burden and a luxury for you in life. Do you ever feel that people are often speaking to the face or the body, and not the person?”

Ultimately, you want the compliment to indicate that you are able to pay attention to more than just her pretty face. It also indicates that you have some knowledge of what it means to be a beautiful woman in the world. This helps her to relax around you even more, allowing her to open up more to you.

That’s how you really reach her guys, not by barking at her out your car window…

Feel free to send me your comments or questions. I am always eager to hear from guys in the real world, facing real challenges. You might be surprised to know that many guys suffer the same challenges as you – so go ahead and ask. Just be sure to put “Mailbag” in the subject line.

That’s it for now guys, and thanks a lot for your time.

Wishing you the best,

Stephen Nash

Visit Steven's Site Here

2006-05-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Strength #2
Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

Resilience.

This is a strength that is constantly developing and has been developing for many years now. I have been rejected many times before in my life and I've found myself a much more resilient fellow now because of it. I remember my reaction when it first happened and it wasn't a good time. Having it happen over and over forces you to learn from your mistakes and grow. You don't fear it as much you used to, as you know you can spring back if it happens. This makes you a stronger person.

There will always be a positive spin on a negative situation.

Keep recognizing your strengths!

To Your Success in Life,

Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

2006-05-12T18:50:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Strength #1
by Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

Hello!

So yesterday I told you that I would think about my strengths and elaborate on them. Well today, I'm going to talk a little about my first strength. I can confidently say I'm a very personable person when you meet me. I'm one to laugh and smile easily (not out of nervousness, but in general). How do I know this? People I don't know too well refer to me as the guy who's always smiling and close friends would go as far as to call me jovial. I find myself saying hello to plenty of people when I go out due to this trait. I've met a lot of new people because of it. I'm approachable because of it. I disarm people because of it. I can make other people feel good because of it.

Now its your turn! Think of your strengths. Really think about them. You know you have them.

Tomorrow we talk about another strength.

To Your Success in Life,

Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

2006-05-11T18:42:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Realizing Your Worth.
By Roger Mayer for
AllDatingTips.com

An experience I had recently regarding my current day job had me thinking. I just had a successful negotiation with my boss for a raise. I was willing to walk away from the job if we couldn't get on common ground. It has only been 5.5 months, but I felt underpaid and wanted to get paid more. I had brought on the topic to him after 3 months, but times were busy and I understood. After not responding a month after, I became irritated. I started looking around for a new jobs, trying less, just doing the minimum, and then he realized that I actually would leave if nothing were to happen.

I could have just continued without asking for anything, but I knew I was worth more.

Funny thing is, I listed all my accomplishments,but never really pointed out any strengths. I had pointed out weaknesses, but no strengths (well nothing truly thought out). Strange isn't it? I think the majority of us have a tendency to gravitate towards our weaknesses before our strengths.

So my next blog for tomorrow will list all my strengths with examples. It's so easy just to write things like "friendly and/or outgoing". I will really think hard on this and I want you to as well. It's something to remind us that we all have our unique great strenghts. Sometimes it's hard to see them when the weight of your weaknesses are magnified by your mind.

Hey, I know it sounds cheezy, but do it anyway. OK??

See you tomorrow!

Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

2006-05-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Insecurity as a Positive Force
by: Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

What is this you say?? Insecurity as a positive force??.. what is this mad man thinking???? I know I know, doesn't make much sense if you read it at surface value. What I mean is that insecurity can be catalyst in growth. However, it can only be a catalyst if you recognize the insecurity within yourself. This goes back to previous posts about being aware of what you're feeling and why but this goes a bit deeper. What you're feeling is in the moment, but the insecurity that brought on the emotion is deep seeded.

Let me explain the insecurity I felt last night coming home from my coffee date with woman-I want-something-real-with. Even though I do say what I want to say and speak my mind with her (we do not always agree), my attraction for her consistenly brings up past failures in my mind. I am insecure with the fact that someone I actually have feelings for will not reciprocate as that has been the issue I have faced in my past more than a few times. It has nothing to do with her and all to do with me. If it was another girl who I felt the same way, the same thing would happen.

However, my point is that I know this is my weakness and a barrier to get what I want. I could easily cheat myself out of overcoming this, by just finding some girl who is madly into me, and forget about this girl. However, I feel being able to get what you want by overcoming your insecurities will benefit you in more ways than just getting the girl.

To Your Success in Life,

Roger Mayer for AllDatingTips.com

2006-05-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Knowing What You Want
by: Roger Mayer for The AllDatingTips.com Crew

Last night, I went out with this young woman who has captivated me for some time now. It is more so a platonic friendship with gradually increasing sexual tension waiting for the right time to burst. As a much more educated male on the topic of dating, this is what most would say a faux-pas. Most coaches say don't become just friends with the girl you want. I must tell you that I am not a fool. However, I did find something interesting about myself, attraction, and insecurity.

As I went home that evening, I thought to myself, "Maybe this isn't going to work out. There is tension and I know there is mutual attraction, but it isn't strong enough. Maybe we are better off just being friends. I know plenty of women and quite a few would be interested, however none of them interest me enough to really want to know them. What gives?"

I thought a little further and started pinpointing things I knew I wanted. Here is my list…

1. Someone who I can actually spend time without just wanting sex. EG someone I actually want to be around. (Yes, I am male and enjoy sex, but when I think about it, I want a solid foundation first...sounds insane even to me, but it really is what I want when I think long-term).
2. Someone who will challenge me to become a better person even if it's not direct. Maybe it's their presence or their stance on life.
3. Someone who will not just agree with anything I say and be cool with me having a different opinion than her.
4. Someone who is exceptionally beautiful (hey, I'm just being honest).
5. Someone who has their own life going.
6. Someone who can keep me interested for more than a few months.
7. Someone who has ambition, but knows how to relax
8. Someone I can poke fun at (in a playful way) and can do the same to me.

This realization that I knew what I wanted (when I thought I didn't) struck a chord. I am usually the one to verbally spew out my opposition to marriage and commitment. However, I actually really want something long-lasting, meaningful, and evolving. The mere fact that I am still pursuing (5 months now!!) someone who I believe has the above qualities, reveals to me what attracts me and what I want. The fact that it isn’t so easy, make it much more appealing. It defies most logic and there has been more than one occasion where I wanted to give up and move on. However, I know I could be dating someone else (I actually did try dating someone while still wanting the one I currently am pursuing, however I broke it off after 3 weeks), but I can’t throw in the towel just yet.

Here’s to knowing and getting what you want,

Roger Mayer for
The AllDatingTips.com Crew

P.S More on Insecurity tomorrow.

P.P.S Check out the links to the right! You're bound to find something that will help you out!

2006-05-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Alertness and Tiredness
by: The AllDatingTips.com Crew

Have you noticed how you are more prone to negative thinking when you are tired and fatigued? Have you noticed how those thoughts barely exist when you're alert? When your mind isn't engaged or when you're fatigued, it's much easier to allow negativity to run rampant. When your mind is engaged and you're being productive, positivity begins to run wild.

You will spend less time worrying about whether a certain special someone is into you or not, because you are concentrating on making yourself happy with other activities that engage your mind.

Keep that in mind today as you go about your day.

To Your Success in Life,

The AllDatingTips.com Crew

2006-05-06T13:07:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Overreacting
by: The AllDatingTips.com Crew

Have you ever exagerated your own feelings or thoughts when you feel like something negative is happening? You know, becoming your own worst enemy? There may be something totally logical and reasonable to explain what is going on, but of course you choose to assume the worst. We've been there, and it's not the best state of mind to be in.

Totally going off and thinking its the end of the world doesn't bode well as you usually look back in embarassment once you have cooled off your emotional high. Plus, if you're explicitly expressing your anguish before you really know what is going on, you risk appearing foolish and insecure. We all have our insecurities, but we can battle them by being aware of what we're feeling and why!

Constantly be aware of why you're feeling the way you do for whatever reason. For example, a bad experience in the past seems to be happening again. By default, you expect the same outcome. The same emotions will reappear, but you know this experience is independent of the previous. The only reason it appears the same is because you're feeling the same emotions that are tied with the previous experience. You have control over how you feel. It's not going to happen over night and we here at AllDatingTips.com have struggles as well. However, we must commit to control and be aware of our emotions and thoughts.

To Your Success in Life,

The AllDatingTips.com Crew

2006-05-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day: Self-Doubt
by: The AllDatingTips.com Crew

Thoughts are powerful powerful weapons. They can either be used to catapult you to soaring heights or bury you when they turn on you. The great thing is your thoughts are controlled by YOU. You have the power to think whatever thoughts you want to think. When you see it that way, you make yourself more powerful than your thoughts. Be aware of what you're thinking and be in control.

To Your Succes in Life,

The AllDatingTips.com Crew

2006-05-04T08:15:00.002-07:00

Thought for the Day: More on Persistance
by: The AllDatingTips.com Crew

It really is a tough call when it comes to matters of dating and persistance. Everyone commends you if you persist in business, or when you're trying really hard to achieve a goal. However, you get ridiculed if you keep trying to win someone over in the game of love. You know when friends say "You're still interested in him/her??!?!!?, just move on already." Some of us are engrossed with the challenge of winning someone over. You have to wonder if it's all about the chase. This person has to be really worth it.

A lot of dating gurus dismiss the idea of friends first which we can understand. However to us, it all depends on what you want. If you want a short term fling, being friends doesn't really matter. However, if you are interested in something long-term, how could you not be friends with the person you want?? What if you have all this passion and intensity in the beginning but when that levels off.....?

And by friend, we don't mean a spineless agreeable sounding board.. there's gotta be respect.

To Your Success in Life,

The AllDatingTips.com Crew

2006-05-03T07:59:00.001-07:00

Thought for the Day: Ideal Self Incongruency
by: The AllDatingTips.com Crew

Ever felt a suffocating type sensation throughout your body when you've gone through with an action which does not align with your ideal sense of self. Your concious is a powerful thing and it got us thinking how this can be used in self-awareness, growth, happiness, and of course in dating and love.

Stephen Covey (7 Habbits of Highly Effective People, The 8th Habbit) wrote about how happiness is directly related to being congruent with your values and morals. The more consistent you are, the better off you will be.

Being consistent is the tricky part. We all falter sometimes, we are human. However, the point of this blog is for you to be more aware of this. If you are aware, you will recognize when you may be faltering and can get yourself back on track.

Don't you think when you're more aware and in control of yourself, you will feel empowered and more attractive? Let's strive to be our ideal selves.

To Your Success in Life,

The AllDatingTips.com Crew

2006-05-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

Thought For The Day: Persistance
by: The AllDatingTips.com Crew

If you've read any success literature you're bound to stumble on the value of persistance. It seems to be the golden rule for success (unless you keep doing the same thing that doesn't work over and over again). So you would think it would apply in the game of love. This is a tricky one that we at AllDatingTips.com have been toying with for awhile. See, you don't want to come off obsessive and annoying, yet you don't want to just give up on someone you really want.

We'll post on this later. In the mean time, we want you to ponder this and leave your comments.

To Your Success in Life,

The AllDatingTips.com Crew

2006-05-01T15:55:00.001-07:00

41 Mistakes Men Make During Sex
We recieved this as a bulletin from one of our MySpace friends.

1) AVOIDING HER LIPS
and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a
difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it
will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT SHAVING PT.2
Men seem to like women to be shaved down below. That's fine. But women like that too. That doesn't mean you have to shave it bare (although, that would be nice), but at least keep it neat and trimmed. There's nothing that turns a girl off more than looking at a penis sticking out of a forest.

26) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

27) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie
there. And don't grab her head.

28) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

29) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

30) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

31) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

32) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

33) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

34) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

35) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

36) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

37) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

38) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know.

39) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

40) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

41) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen

Got Myspace?

2006-05-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

Thought For the Day: The Quick-Fix
By: The AllDatingTips.com Crew

It's funny how we all want to change and better ourselves but when it comes to actually doing the work to get those results, the majority of us give up way too soon. We here at AllDatingTips.com have been victim to this "giving up too soon" mentality on occasion. However, as we keep ourselves constantly bombarded with positive literature (e.g. articles from AllDatingTips.com) AND take action, we will eventually become the people we want to be.

We have to take action to help ourselves. No one else is going to do it for us. Small actions generate momentum, so take small steps. We all want immediate results and immediate success. We believe that doesn't exist or is extremely rare. So if you're feeling overwhelmed or on the verge of giving up, take solace in the fact that successful people embrace failure and many failed their way to success. Don't give up on yourself.

To Your Success in Life,

The AllDatingTips.com Crew

2006-04-29T20:57:00.000-07:00

Why Men Want Sex and Women Want Love
By Elena Solomon
Author, 12 Simple Rules

Men are frustrated with women because they never want sex. Women are frustrated with men because they always want sex.

Women blame men they don't know how to love. Men blame women that they only talk about love but don't want to make it.

Whether you are a man or a woman, reading this article can change your life - finally, you will be able to get rid of your frustrations about the opposite gender.

The reason humans want sex is due to the hormone testosterone, which is predominantly male hormone. A normal male's body produces 20 times more of this hormone than a female's.
In other words, a male feels the same way after one day without sex as a female after 20 days without sex. A male that has not had sex in 20 days feels the same way as a female after more than a year without sex.

Knowing this simple difference, you can already understand the pain of the opposite gender. It's NOT their fault: they are made this way! It's in our genes! This is the reason why men are men and women are women.

Men and women are DIFFERENT. Not better or worse, just different.

A man can father a child every time he has sex, and a woman can only mother a child every two years or so. This means, a woman HAS TO be picky about who she allows to have sex with her.
For generations women were paying too high a price for making a wrong choice. Women that have chosen men with bad genes had a weaker offspring and their children struggled to survive. Women that have chosen men with good genes had a stronger offspring and their children survived disproportionately. Those children were carrying their picky mother's genes and this is why those female genes were passed to us.

On the other hand, men never had adverse consequences of making a wrong choice. The more children they produced, the higher was their chance to pass their genes to future generations, as some of them would certainly survive. While men were determined to seek better genes too, they had to grab all chances to procreate coming their way to ensure their genes would be passed forward. The men that ONLY stuck with one woman (even a high quality woman) were losing genetically to the men that used all of their opportunities and had many more children that survived. Those children were carrying their father's promiscuous genes, and this is why those male genes were passed to us.

By Nature men are made to seek as much sex as they can get, so they can spread their seed wider.

By Nature women are made to seek as many admirers as they can get, so they can make a better choice and get the best seed.

Men seek quantity - women seek quality.

This is why men seek sex and women seek love. Love is the proof that a woman needs to have some assurance that the man will stick around and help her with the upbringing of the offspring.

For a woman, sex is the culmination of her emotional commitment to a man. For a man, sex is a physical act that eases the testosterone pressure he experiences constantly. Only after this tension has gone, can a man feel love towards a woman. This is why it often happens that men disappear after they got what they wanted: it wasn't love; it was the testosterone pressure. Sex for men is the reality check of their passion.

This is why having sex early in the relationship is hazardous for women: the man has not had the time to develop any romantic feelings for her. He needs time to develop those feelings, and the only way to do it is through keeping the sexual tension going for as long as practicable. Sex must be attainable, nearly possible - but not quite. When the sexual tension is at its peak, its release is mind-blowing - and once is never enough, which lays a proper foundation for a future relationship - and love.

Men fall in love through sex; women fall in sex through love.

All of this happens on the unconscious level - we do NOT realize what's going on. But the reason why you are here today and alive is because each and every of your ancestors, men and women, acted true to their instincts and managed to attract at least one sexual partner and produce an offspring.

So, there is no need to be bitter about men wanting sex and women wanting love. Those two are the necessary pieces of the puzzle called Survival Of The Species.

And you'll be better off understanding what the other gender is going through and giving them exactly what they want: a mind-blowing sex or exhilarating love.

Go get 'em! :-)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Elena Solomon is a Dating coach.Her latest book "12 Simple Rules" became #1 'Love & Romance' bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK after the release. It is a textbook how to bring your love life to the level of evolved dating. This book shows you EXACTLY how you can develop yourself into a self-confident and happy person who attracts people naturally.

Go here now

2006-04-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

What Women Want
By Elena Solomon
Author, 12 Simple Rules

A while ago, a guy wrote to me saying that if he knew what women wanted, he would write a book and retire rich.

What women want was a secret to a man for a long, LONG time.

Mel Gibson and his famous movie “What Women Want” haven’t quite answered this question. In fact, this is exactly the answer to the question in his own words:

“After about 20 years of marriage, I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate.”

I don’t know about you but this answer doesn’t quite cut it for me. If I were a guy, I would need something more specific to succeed with women!

Fortunately for you, after reading this article, it will no longer be a mystery. Because I am going to tell you EXACTLY what women want.

(I was thinking about writing a book and retiring rich… but decided to give this secret away for free for the good of the humanity.)

OK, let’s get to our nitty-gritty, shall we?

Generally, women want many things, including hot gossip and Italian shoes, but as far as men-women relationships are concerned, this is the one and the only women’s request:

They want strong, powerful, overwhelming EMOTIONS.

They want to be swept off their feet.

If you manage to deliver THAT, all other women’s desires and requirements become irrelevant: money, looks, height, education, status, or anything else men habitually put on the list of desired attributes - NONE of this really matters.

YES! A woman can fall hopelessly in love with a man who isn’t good looking, doesn’t have money, doesn’t have education, who is short, bald and old, as long as he manages to deliver these powerful EMOTIONS that women are craving.

Why?

Because her requirements for money and status come from intellectual, or CONSCIOUS part of the brain - and the emotion of love, or attraction, comes from emotional, or SUBCONSCIOUS part of the brain.

In other words, she cannot help it. She cannot decide NOT to be in love.

(Have you ever tried it yourself, to stop loving the person who you know isn’t good for you and who only brings you suffering and problems? How successful were these attempts?)

She doesn’t ‘step into’ love - she ‘falls into’ it.

It is absolutely imperative for you as a man to evoke strong emotions in a woman in order for her to fall in love with you.

And they don’t have to be positive emotions only - vice versa, an emotional roller coaster works the best. In other words, hate is NOT the opposite of love - it’s its associate and partner. Indifference is the opposite of love. It is easier for you to make a woman that hates you, to fall in love with you, than a woman who has no feelings whatsoever towards you.

What most men do not realize is that a woman does not have to LIKE you, in order to fall in LOVE with you. Yes, you’ve read it right: she may NOT like you but still fall in love with you. Quite often, the reason why she doesn’t like you is the very reason why she falls in love with you.

Confused?

You should be.

What I realized is that although we LIKE people that are ‘like us’, we LOVE people that have something that we DON’T HAVE. We are powerfully attracted to people that are DISTINCTIVELY DIFFERENT from us. The MORE different they are, the STRONGER is our attraction to them.

Since they are different from us, which means they aren’t ‘like us’, chances are this difference is something that we don’t actually like.

The powerful emotion of attraction that overrides all women’s requirements to a potential partner and makes her do the things she would not tell her mother about, is only evoked in a female by a DOMINANT MALE. In other words, the male she cannot control.

Women have in-built mechanism that reacts on the dominant male by making them weak at their knees and feeling swept off their feet - experiencing these all-powerful EMOTIONS they are after.

They respond to a predetermined pattern of behavior by falling in love with the person who exhibits this behavior. And this pattern can be learned - this is what is commonly known as ‘dating skills’.

Do you want to drive women crazy about you - to the extent they disregard your looks, finances and social status?

It is possible and attainable. And the best thing, you CAN do it.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Elena Solomon is a Dating coach.
Her latest book "12 Simple Rules" became #1 'Love & Romance' bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK after the release. It is a textbook how to bring your love life to the level of evolved dating. This book shows you EXACTLY how you can develop yourself into a self-confident and happy person who attracts people naturally.

Go here now

2006-04-29T15:39:00.000-07:00

Dating for 2006
By Elena Solomon
Author, 12 Simple Rules

There is a new type of dating that grows from inside the old, "dating game" mode - evolved dating. What is 'evolved dating'?

It is dating for people who KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING. In other words, people who are aware of the dynamics of men-women relationships, body language, effective communication, who have their life together and who understand that there is more to dating than pick-up lines.

Those people DON'T need the usual dating games, playing hard-to-get etc, etc. Like high-level sportsmen, they can spot each other in an instant.

Those people are the ones that cannot be missed in a crowd, who draw all the attention, even when they are seemingly doing nothing. They don't lie or use tricks; they are refreshingly honest and straightforward. And they never feel ashamed or inferior.

They possess calm, relaxed confidence that is as powerful as a nuclear reactor. The people comment about them, "There is something special about you" or call it, "a presence".

They simply look you in the eyes, and you start feeling weak at your knees. Your heart skips a bit and you start feeling dizzy. I have experienced this myself and seen this effect at work, once I learned how to do it.

You may now start wondering, how to gain such a power?
It's extremely simple, and at the same time it's hard work.

How can it be?

Because doing these things is really simple - but to make oneself doing them, takes commitment and courage. It's like giving up smoking - all you need to do is to stop buying your own cigarettes and borrowing from others. It's really simple. But so many people have been smoking for many years and complain they cannot give up (I have NEVER met a smoker who was over 20 and didn't want to quit!) .

People that are on the level of evolved dating are the people who are successful. My definition of success is: success is doing what it takes when you know you must do it.

Really simple.

Over the years I realized that there is really nothing new under the sun, and the simple things are the ones that work the best.

I have also realized that anyone can develop him or herself to the level of evolved dating, in as short a period as one year (or less).

The place to start is to STOP seeking approval of others. This will have an effect so dramatic, you can see the results in a month time - people will start asking you what happened and saying you have changed.

The key here: WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU IS *NONE* OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Most people worry all their life what other people will think of them, or what others will say, etc, etc. It's like cutting your own wings. You can fly but you refuse because you are afraid what others may think.

You maybe afraid being the best you can be because you think others can feel uncomfortable in your company. The truth is, it's exactly the other way around: by allowing yourself to be the best you can be, you give permission to others to be the best they can be.

Stop worrying about others. You are the most important person in your life and you only have so many years to live on this Earth. Make yourself happy and stop taking responsibility for other people's happiness. Your happiness is your choice. Their happiness is their choice. As long as they are adults, their happiness is none of your business.

And stop faking it.

You fake things because you are afraid the others won't like you the way you are. The truth is, the others are faking themselves just as you do, to please you. If you are honest, you are allowing them to be honest, too.

This is what evolved dating is about, and this is why those people are so powerfully confident: they don't fake it. They simply ARE. They don't seek your approval and they don't expect you to seek theirs.

Most people try to give themselves to other people. People that are on the level of evolved dating give you the gift of being YOURSELF. You don't have to fake it with them.
You can reach the level of evolved dating, too.

When do you want to start?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Elena Solomon is a Dating coach.
Her latest book "12 Simple Rules" became #1 'Love & Romance' bestseller in the leading ebook distribution service in just ONE WEEK after the release. It is a textbook how to bring your love life to the level of evolved dating. This book shows you EXACTLY how you can develop yourself into a self-confident and happy person who attracts people naturally.

Go here now

2006-04-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

The First Blog!

Well here we are posting our first blog for AllDatingTips.com. As you may notice, the link does not work yet. We are working on the kinks offline as we speak. The REAL site will be up shortly. In the mean time, we will be posting articles and various other blog comments that we hope will benefit you and pique your interest.

To Your Success,

The AllDatingTips.com crew.